Setting Intentions after graduating College: an attempt to create my dream life

Okay so — I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!

I know a bachelor’s degree is extremely common these days and, to some, an expectation of most people. In fact, most of my friends are already working on their masters or preparing for their Doctorate’s. For me, however, it is my greatest accomplishment in life so far.

After struggling my first semester with the transition from being homeschooled to an intense workload and a school that had about 5,000x the amount of people I was used to, after heartbreak and betrayal that was spent crying on my roommate’s shoulder, after failing exams and bringing my own tissue boxes to office hours trying desperately to understand, after midnight brownie sundaes with forever friends on the steps of CNU hall, after dragging a couch into the library with classmates to spend the night writing essays, after studying abroad twice and re-affirming my passion for travel, after crazy nights spent falling in love with all the crazy people that found their way into your life, after losing precious time with them after being send home for COVID-19, after getting to share the place I love so much with my little brother, after turning in two thesis papers, one in English and the other in Spanish, I finally graduated Magna Cum Laude with two majors and two minors during a GLOBAL PANDEMIC.

I am so proud of myself I think I could cry. I look at the picture of me in the mortar-board, remembering all the Facetimes to my parents where I read them my to-do list and cried, and I just think, “how in the world did I actually make it through?”

Back in 2017, when I was told that college would be the best four years of my life, I was so beyond excited. Now, when people tell me that they hope I enjoyed the best four years of my life, I’m absolutely terrified.

As of right now, I feel like i’m in a state of liminality, a period of awkward transition. Thanks to an internship I landed the summer after Junior year, I could stay here in Richmond and make enough money to live a pretty comfortable life, remain at least in the same state as most of my friends, even be in the same time-zone as all of my loved ones. It’s a job relatively in my field, or at least it’s one that could get me into the State Department and foreign service eventually, something I’ve always dreamed about… but only when I was forcing myself to dream realistically.

But last year my sister Tara and her husband came back to Virginia when COVID hit (not wanting to quarantine alone), and while she was here she introduced me to her business coach’s way of thinking. She asked me to visualize in great detail what my dream life would look like, assuming that time, money, and talent were not obstacles. Spoiler Alert: that picture didn’t include me working a corporate job.

In addition, when people used to ask me how I would describe myself, the first thing I would say was “creative". I used to paint, acrylics, watercolors, oils, you name it. I used to keep a mixed media art journal and spend all of my dog-walking money on new art supplies; the cashiers at Michaels even knew my name. I was constantly re-arranging my room, choosing new paint and decor themes. I played piano, I loved being in my dad’s workshop, I loved creating things.

But creativity is like a muscle, and when school and work got in the way, my muscle got really, really weak, to the point where I would even tell people I was the least creative person I had ever met. My dad never failed to rebut this statement, unwavering in his view that I was, in fact, creative, even if it has changed forms as i’ve grown.

In this visualization of my dream life, I was being a creative. I love this blog with every piece of me, and i’m taking steps for it to become a valid source of income. I know that it will take years for that to happen, if it ever does, but there are plenty of people doing it. Why can’t I be one of them? I have the passion for it, I have the drive, I may not have quite the photography or writing skills as some of the others, but I’m hoping I have enough heart to make up for it.

In the meantime, I need to go where the inspiration and content is, and find money wherever that is. SO: I decided to move to South Korea to teach English and be close to Asia, a destination I have explored an embarrassingly small portion of. Travel bans are still a thing, so this is definitely a leap of fail and desperate hope that everything will fall into place, so please think of me when you say your prayers!

People are constantly like, “Moving to a different continent with a 13 hour time difference? Alone? Omg you don’t know the language? You don’t even know anyone who lives there already? You’re only 21? That seems so scary.”

ummmmmmmm yes. I. am. terrified.

One person was like its okay I know someone in New Zealand and its 17 hours different. To that I say, I’m jealous. at least you’re both awake for more than 4 hours within a 24 hour window, 13 is literally the worst it can be. I think that’s what I’m most nervous about. It’s gonna be my first Christmas all alone, the longest i’ve gone without my family, my first time living completely on my own. and of course the second I start having feelings for someone after three years of being single is the second I sign a contract to work halfway across the EARTH. ugh.

But I’ve been planning this since I was 14, and if I don’t make the leap now, I don’t think I ever will. I’m gonna give my dream life my very best shot. I’m so scared but I’m also so so so excited. Worse comes to worst, hopefully I can study hard for the FSOT and learn Korean to use as my “in” to working with foreign service (can u tell I don’t want to go to grad school lol).

I want to have an exciting life! I want to have no regrets, I want to see as much of God’s creation as I possibly can. I want to be creative and live on my own terms. I want to live my dream life. THERE ARE NO PRACTICE LIVES: this is the only one we have.

special shoutout to Mom and Dad: thanks for believing in me and never getting tired of my tendency to chase “unrealistic” dreams:) hopefully i’ll make u proud <3