Random Revelations after two whole decades of life, ft. the time my phone got stolen

I wrote this post after my birthday, which was nearly two months ago, and I forgot to post it. Better late than never I suppose:

So I turned 20 the other day, which is insane.

My whole life I’ve always been pretty young compared to everyone else in the same grade, job, or stage of life as me, so turning 20 freaked me out a little bit.

It really got me thinking about everything I’ve been blessed enough to experience in my life so far. Ive hit 4/7 continents with another one coming next week, 18 countries, taught at an orphanage in rural South America, backpacked through Europe, Paraglided in Peru, and Kayaked underneath ancient medieval walls. I experienced elections in the largest democracy in the world, learned a language, made my body strong. I’m pursuing a degree and am furthering that education in the South of Spain. I have the best friends in the world, and I’ve met people from all over the globe that ill never forget, though I may never see again.

What is this life I’m living?

Some people call me lucky for being able to do these things, but anyone who ~knows~ me knows that i actually tend to have really, really bad luck, so it can’t possibly be thanks to good fortune (I hate when people say I’m lucky, it’s as if they’re implying that these things have just fallen into my lap). So if not that, what is it?

I think its a combination of things:

1. AMBITION

Ambition is one of my top three core values. I’ve alway had enormous dreams, that seemed ridiculous to some. Lots of people always told me that i needed to be more realistic. So, instead of making my dreams more realistic, I did my best to create a reality where they ARE realistic. LOOPHOLE.

When i was younger i told my mom that I wanted to study abroad three times. I believe I wanted to go to Spain, Morocco, and Antarctica (don’t ask). She wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to go once, but here I am, on my second study abroad trip, And although I haven’t gotten to Antarctica yet, I was able to go to India and Spain, and i’m taking a trip to go camping in the Sahara desert in Morocco before the month ends. I’d say that’s a win.

So many people in my life, upon listening to my hopes and dreams, have used the word “ambition” as a way of sugar coating the word “unrealistic.” Instead of getting discouraged, I turned it into my mantra.

I know SO many people my age who are stuck in the same routine, remaining in the comfort of their hometown who haven’t met someone new in ages. Working just to use up their free time, but rarely working TOWARDS something. My life (not that it’s exceptional, or extremely out of the ordinary,) isn’t luck, I just have ridiculous ambition, and i do what it takes to make something happen. Ex: Im studying abroad, and the opportunity arises to go to Morocco. It isn’t in the budget, so I sold some clothes and picked up overtime shifts. Go get what you want. Find a way or make one.

So many times people have said to me, “That’s…ambitious!” ….of COURSE it is. Without ambition we arenothing, and we can’t amount to anything. Duh.

2. I think my comfort zone gave up and went home.

No joke.

I used to be extremely shy; I’d get embarrassed at the thought of speaking up or asking for what I wanted. I think that this had the potential to be really bad for me, because I was homeschooled. I could’ve never spoken to anyone or done anything with my life and I probably would’ve been fine. I can’t explain it, but instead the opposite happened. Somewhere along the way I morphed into someone who goes out of their way to not only venture outside of their comfort zone, but to STAY outside their comfort zone. I get excited at the thought of confrontation (whether it be friendly or self preservation) and I’m not afraid to speak up, even if it’s in a language I’m still not the best at.

I don’t quite know how it happened. Maybe it was my parents forcing me to do debate when I was in middle school. Maybe it was the multiple piano competitions and recitals they forced me to compete in. They were the ones that let me camp out in Bolivia for the summer without them and without extensive knowledge of the language. I was the only one from my group of high school friends to transition into a four year university immediately after graduating, and I think I was so scared of not making friends that I felt the need to make friends with everyone. In my head, that’s because I thought if 90% of the people i tried to force to be friends with me fell through the cracks, I’d still have people. (90% did not fall through the cracks and I love everyone. Thanks paranoid Emma for talking to people who didn’t want to talk in the gym and signing up for literally 10 clubs).

The only relationships Ive strayed away from are the ones where I didn’t feel challenged, which is SO different from my former self. Since when did I start actively seeking out challenge? I think it’s because I forgot which way my comfort zone was.

When I made the decision to study abroad, I walked into the office and asked them which city in Spain nobody from my school was going to. How far away from them could I possibly get? Then I chose the region of Spain with the hardest accent to learn, because i thought that if I could learn that, I would be able to understand everything.

Was I scared leading up to leaving? Of course, but past Emma really knew what she was doing. Thanks past Emma. (But for real, this accent is no joke, SOS).

I was talking to someone this summer about my plans for post-graduation. I told him that I was thinking about the Peace Corps, for the purpose of travel, doing good, and furthering my language repertoire. He could sense hesitation in my voice and asked me why I was holding back, and my honest answer was that I was terrified of it. I’m scared of not having communication with my family and missing weddings and taking bucket showers for two years. He told me, “Emma, you can do a n y t h i n g for two years. Would you ever regret doing it? Absolutely not, even if its the hardest, most soul-numbing thing you’ll ever do. Would you regret not doing it? Maybe, maybe not, but there will always be the ‘what if’”. I think you can apply that to every decision you’ll ever make. (Thanks Bob).

Moral of the story, if it scares you its probably worth it.

3. Things you think matter actually don’t matter, you’re dumb. 

My phone and wallet got stolen a little while ago, out of a zipped pocket in my zipped bag that was across my body. “How did this happen,” You might ask? Well, to put it simply, I was busting it down on the dance floor at a club called Mae West. It’s the best. Until you get your phone stolen.

The poor people I was with, I lost my MIND. I had to FaceTime my parents on my laptop while they called the bank because the bank would only speak to me, customs kept trying to call me about my package (my new phone coming from the US) not realizing that my phone was in the freaking box they wouldn’t deliver, I got denied from pubs because I lost all my IDs, and I had no way of paying for anything or obtaining money whatsoever. it was a hassle and a HALF. I had the worst attitude about it all.

Until i realized that it literally won’t matter in a week. And so I shouldn’t waste another whole week being a whiny brat about it.

Although this may seem unrelated, I was already having a bad start to the decade when I  made the realization that the past three birthdays have been spent with people who are no longer in my life because either they chose to leave and purposely hurt me on the way out the door or simply because we just met a few weeks ago and are already coming to the close of our study abroad journey.  I was already feeling a little isolated, and so maybe I reacted so poorly when my phone got sNaTcHEd because it furthered my feeling of loneliness. Then, I looked down at my arm, where I have tattooed a reminder not to fall down that rabbit hole of feeling sorry for myself and lamenting temporary people in my life. Turning the page doesn’t mean the book is ending, hang in there baby.

Back to the lesson the phone taught me: likewise, if it won’t matter in 5 years, you should literally not spend more than 5 days or even 5 minutes being stressed about it. Im the type of person to get hung up on something and think about it for months or even years. losing friendships and relationships or even something as minuscule as getting a grade lower than an A- stresses me out for a hotttt minute. I’m really working on being a little less high maintenance this year. That’s my loose resolution for my first year in my 20s. Stay tuned to see how it turns out.

That last point seems jumbled, so to sum it up:

Sometimes you can’t control the situation, but you sure can control you attitude towards it and how you react. Keep an eye on the big picture, and some things are just an ending, not the end.

I realize that the first half of this post sounds very braggy, probably because it was. I’m so proud of where I’m at in life! The other day, someone dm’d me and told me that they wished they had “daddy’s credit card too” so that they could travel and experience the things that i was. Although my parents have blessed me with a little bit of money here and there to help me out, I’m living off of savings. It was cheaper to come here and live out my wildest dreams than it was for two consecutive semesters at my school! So my advice to you is the next time an opportunity comes your way that seems unrealistic, don’t discount it. Do everything in your power to be able to say yes! Find scholarships, run the numbers, find a way, or make one. Lots of things can be replaced, money, time off work, material items. Time isn’t one of them.

I’m going to keep on making the most of mine.